Leaving an abusive marriage is NEVER a sin.

Dear Annie letter from a Christian woman in an abusive marriage seeking support to leave.

NO. NO. NO.

Your letter echoes the cries of countless women of faith who have been told for generations that enduring abuse is some form of godliness. Let me be unequivocally clear: LEAVING AN ABUSIVE MARRIAGE IS NOT A SIN. Let me be additionally clear that there are many forms of abuse, few of which are physical. Abuse is:

• Verbal (yelling, name calling, threats, intimidation)

• Emotional (blaming, guilt-tripping)

• Spiritual (shaming, misinterpreting scripture to control)

• Psychological (gaslighting, manipulation)

• Financial (controlling your ability to earn your own income, withholding their income).

Any teaching that suggests leaving someone who consistently behaves in the above ways is irresponsibly misrepresenting the heart of God.

I understand this deeply because I've walked that painful path myself. For many years, I was told to pray harder, submit more, and consistently saw church leaders excuse and ignore his behaviors, and even worse, deny my reality of them. I stayed far longer than I should have, believing my suffering was a testament to my faith or that I simply had no other choice. But enduring abuse isn't a divine calling—it's a distortion of what God desires for His children.

Let's address your questions:

Is "long-suffering" what God wants for me?

NO. God desires abundant life for you, not prolonged suffering.

Why is my suffering more acceptable than leaving?

NO. It's not. Your well-being matters deeply to God.

Is it wrong to want safety and peace, even at the price of divorce?

NO. Seeking safety and peace is not only acceptable; it's essential.

God values you as a human more than the institution of marriage. He does not call you to remain in harm's way. If your church teaches that enduring abuse is your duty or questions your reality, they too are gaslighting you.

It may be time to consider leaving both the marriage and the church.

You are not alone. There are communities and resources ready to support you. If you need someone to talk with as you seek a safe path forward, please reach out. Your life, your peace, and your safety are precious.

With profound empathy and unwavering support,

Annie